I went out from the chalet with tears in my eyes..

I couldn't control it any longer when i'm inside the cab..

I know I shouldn't have gone to this chalet.. but i still did coz she said, 'go lah ain, go lah ain...'
and I also don't want to be known as anti-social..

I ended up doing things ALONE...

When he said, 'Nak balik? Balik lah..' I don't know whether he's joing or really mean it but either way, it kind of hurts...


Ain, ain.. Stop trying to fit in, u know u'll never be accepted...







For more pics, go to my multiply!

k,bye!

Ok i can't take it anymore..


Ever since the first day i stepped into the npc, i felt out of place... My first day of work was sucky.. till date, i still don't feel welcome.. haiz.. :(

does the problem lies with me? i know i don't really leave a good impression coz i'm a bit blur2 and you know s-l-o-w.. haiz.. i felt soo left out there..

i just want to be myself.. where i can talk freely, without feeling uncomfortable or awkward.. however i wasn't treated that way.. maybe bcoz i'm new and some of them have been there for years.. but i'm tired of being like a loner there! now i've become like one quiet girl and its not like me lor!

i miss my squad.. i miss them so so much.. all the jokes and laughter.. haiz..

when ali and kak noon visited me the other day, i felt like hugging and crying to them.. sobz..

i don't regret joining spf.. its just that, i only want ppl to treat me like COLLEAGUE not just a girl who's doing SOJT..

all i need know is a good cry.. coz i'm feeling so terrible...




Today was in service day.. had some tp talk and they showed some really really gruesome photos.. i think those who died in road accidents are much worse then those who skydived.. at one point i even felt like puking man.. but its really pitiful.. i mean, would you want to die in that kind of state?

On the way back, in the bus, I saw.... FI AZLI! He was sitting at the coffeeshop with FI Eddy.. I actually alighted at the next stop and walked back to the coffeeshop to say hi.. I think he also a bit malu2 lah.. hahaha.. oh.. he had the keychain i gave to him during poc.. how sweet! haha..
Only last night, me and ree were talking about him.. how we both miss him and even plan to go down to HTA to meet him for breakfast or something and today i saw him! hahaha..

Last night, met up with ree and we just chilled at cafe del mar.. It was pure fun-ness! hahahaha.. I really enjoyed my best friend's company.. :) love you babe! can't wait for the kl trip!

Cafe del mar.. I just love the place.. The ambience... its the perfect place to chill.. Of course they have alcohol there but my conscience is clear.. As long as i don't consume it, i don't care about what other people think or say...

I want to watch P.S I Love You.. read the book and it was awesome..

k lah, bye!




I can't wait for my hair to get long coz i'm going to curl it.. I was thinking of getting hair extensions but my bf thot i was mad.. My hair look like berus jamban lah now! and i hate it.. Most likely i will rebond it (again!) next week..

I have done almost everything to my hair before.. I dyed it, permed it, straightened it, cut it real short, keep it long.. The only thing i haven't done yet is to shave it bald.. haha..

Should i do a britney? hahaha...

I consider myself as lucky..

I got almost everything i wanted..

I got the job i wanted.. Well , not really, since I wanted to be in TP and i didn't get it, but then again its still Police or rather, its the real police work.. haha..

I got the car i wanted.. It may not be the luxurious among all cars, but its still a good car..

I'm able to support myself financially.. without depending on my parents anymore... I still remember when i was still schooling.. need to beg my mum for money just to buy a new top.. hahaha.. now, i gave her money every month.. how time flies..

the only thing i've yet to do is to further my studies.. i cant depend on my higher nitec cert forever.. i have to upgrade myself.. i was thinking of taking up diploma in police studies.. but i have to wait for at least 2 or 3 years before i could apply.. i'm only 22 this year.. ok wat.. by the time i take up the diploma, i would only be 25..

and lastly.. i would love to have a kitten.. really.. i pray everyday that i would find a newborn kitten at the staircase landing or something.. then my mum would kesian and let me keep it.. hahaha.. really ah.. if i have a kitten, my life would be complete! haha.. my bf promise that he would get me one.. not now, not so soon.. but after we get married.. which i don't know when! lama lah!

actually wanted to blog about my hair only.. but i ended up babbling about something else..

k, bye!




I think when ppl are in a service for some time, they forgot how it was like to be new..
You and me, we are not different.. So don't think you are so good, BITCH. The only thing that set us apart, is you joined few years before me.. What you already know, is what i'm learning now.. Give me time, and we will be on the same level.. Don't forget you were once new, i'm sure you were a blur fuck too.. So don't shot me that dirty look.. You and me are not even on the same team.. Who are you to judge me..

Fuck-faced.. Think you so pretty ah.. I think my ass looks cuter than your face.. Knn..




I can't wait to get my Picanto in few weeks' time!

Like my bro said to me,

'Dah firdous tak payah naik mrt lagi, eh tak, firdous tak yah hantar kau balik lagi!'

Read: Firdous wont have to take the train now, or rather, he won't have to send you home again!'

Hahaha..




Dear firdous..

This coming June, we will turn 3.. Throughout the years, we went through so much ups and downs.. I can't recall how many 'I want a break up!' we said to each other..
But deep inside, we both knew we didn't mean it..

I just wanna thank you for always being there for me.. Whatever it is, you are the only one who stick with me through thick and thin.. without complaints.. without asking anything in return.. I know i have not been treating you well yet you chose to be with me still.. I know i've hurt you bad when I told you i like someone.. How i wished i could turn back time, i swear i won't do it.. That's the stupidest thing i ever done..

I deeply, sincerely apologized for everything i've done.. Thank you for loving me unconditionally..

I know I don't show it.. But trust me.. I do love you abang.. Love you so much.. And i'm so happy things are better between us right now.. Remember the conversation we had on the phone that nite? Thats the best we had in a long time.. Remind me on us three years back.. :)

and walking in the rain with you just now... its such a nice feeling.. :)


Fir, ain nak mintak maaf atas segalanya.. Walaupun kite selalu gaduh2, ain tahu abang lah yang terbaik untuk ain..

I already found a guy who loves me.. I don't see the reason why I should find another.. I've realised it now.. I'm sorry love..